The Prank

Of all the many exciting things I’ve gotten to do in my life, April Fool’s Day 2009, for a brief hour, was possibly the most invigorating.

The Pledge:

At 11:10 pm on March 31st, I began to brainstorm how to prank as many housemates in one day as possible. I didn’t want to just do stupid, annoying things (like take someone’s car keys), but something that would cause inconvenience with a smile. First victim: roommate Matt. Matt was the obvious choice because he and I share a room and out of any one individual, I felt the most able to pull a prank on. After much pondering, I arrived at victim #2: The Entire other house. Of course, it was too early at that point to start the pranks-people could still be up, getting up to use the bathroom, etc. So I decided to start my scheme at 12:30 am. And here’s how it went down:

The Turn:

Stage 1: Steal all of Matt’s clothes. Goal: Matt sleeps in his boxers; therefore if you steal all of his clothes and hide all of your own clothes, he has no choice but to spend the morning in his boxers.

St. 1, Part A: Take Matt’s clothes that he keeps in the bathroom (the ones he wears every day), hide them in cupboard over washing machine.

Part B: Re-enter room, take as many of Matt’s clothes from the closet, hide them under futon.

Part C: To be completed after return from Stage 2.

The Prestige:

Stage 2: Re-arrange the furniture in the kitchen and living room, so that the kitchen now resembles the living room and the kitchen table and chairs are in the living room.

Let me pause here and say that this was a work of art. I entered the house at 12:40-nobody came to ask why I was there. I immediately realized that at least Vern (whose bedroom is right next to the living room) was awake. I closed the door to the hallway most of the way, and began my work.

SOMEHOW, over the 20 or so minutes it took, nobody came out to see what the occasional “thump” sound was. I moved: a full sofa, a love seat, coffee table, end table, and lamp about 10 feet into the kitchen. I was particularly proud of the lamp and end table because they were entirely unnecessary. I could have just left them in the living room because it appears that the real feat was moving the couches. The lamp and end table were the icing on the cake, the piece de resistance. Moving the kitchen table and chairs wasn’t that difficult, but the overall effect was grand.

Return to house, Part C of Stage 1: Move all MY clothes behind our bed so that Matt has no options.

Audience reaction/judgement:

Unfortunately, my prank on Matt was not quite perfect. I didn’t take into account that he gets up to stretch on Wednesdays, and he put on exercise pants from a drawer that I thought just was underwear. So he didn’t immediately notice anything was wrong. It wasn’t until a bit later that he noticed that his everyday clothes were gone. He of course pegged me. Also, since he was able to wear the exercise pants, he didn’t really have to notice that all of his other clothes were completely gone too. It was funny though, and not overall a failure. I’ll give it 6.75/10.

Prank #2: This is much more complicated to judge, because I thought it was unbeatable. I encountered no obstacles, no awkward run-ins and walked away from the trick assuming complete success, and expecting high praise/historical commemoration. BUT, the equally cunning folks at the other house decided to be completely non-responsive. They WERE amused and laughed at it and thought it was clever, but they refused to acknowledge the prank. Nobody said anything when they came over for morning prayer. Worst of all, they re-arranged the furniture correctly before we went over there for breakfast. No trace. I of course didn’t say anything, not wanting to give up my hard earned secrecy. And that’s how it went all day.

Finally, around 6, I went to the house again and this time when housemate Vern saw me, he just bust up laughing. I figured he was laughing at me, and questioned him later and he gave the full story. They had assumed it was both me and Matt, so I get an extra point for pulling off alone what they thought took two people.

So this is a complicated feat to judge. I personally give it a 9.5/10 because I enjoyed it so much, and because it elicited such an impressive response. I blame it on their creative nonviolent personalities. Of course the pacifists would respond to personal attack by just not giving the attacker the joy of retaliation or acknowledgement.

All in all, ’twas a good day.

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3 comments

  1. ric booth · April 3, 2009

    I’m imagining Chris reading this account with a little tear forming at the side of his left eye. haha.

  2. Chris Wirt · April 3, 2009

    I am so proud. Beyond words. It made me smile, so I think that adds .25 points to each prank.

  3. brianjgorman · April 3, 2009

    Just so you know, I had days of MYF retreats running through my mind the entire time. At the imaginary awards ceremony, I’ll thank God and Chris Wirt for the inspiration.

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