Senior Year

I haven’t posted as much as I’d planned since returning from Kenya. There are more things I can say about the summer, which I will do when I feel like it. I guess the impending start of my last year of college is a bit more on my mind right now.

I never thought that I’d be this unconcerned about what I’ll do after I graduate. I’m amazed that not only am I not stressed out about having no thought-out options, I haven’t even begun to really think about the year yet. The start of this year is on my mind, but I really haven’t spent any time thinking about what it will be like. Why is that? Is it just because I don’t want to face my true inner fear that I won’t find anything to do that makes me happy? Maybe it’s because if I do try to figure out my year before it starts, I’ll just get overwhelmed and stressed out and I’m just trying to avoid that. Whatever the reason, I’m pre-occupied with other aspects of my life.

I like the idea that it’s more important who I am than what I do. But it would be nice to have something to do that goes with who I want to be. There should be a job that pays you well enough to live and get medical care, and the responsibility of the job is to be a loving, caring friend and someone who genuinely wants to see and work towards change in the world he sees around him. Applicants must recognize their own weaknesses and shortcomings and be willing to live with the fact that the world will continually disappoint them, but in spite of that they must continue to grow and have hope.

It’d be a tough job, probably tougher than being a lot of other things that pay better. How much harder is it to be someone of worth than to do something that’s worth a lot? I face the temptation everyday to just go make money. I’m pretty sure that if I wanted to I could find a way to make a lot of money, and on the days when I look at my bank account and realize that it’s never going to get too much bigger, I want to run screaming for the nearest LSAT test and go to law school.

But in my better moments, I’m content with having little money. I don’t want the responsibility of having to figure out the right way to handle a lot of money. I have enough trouble trying to manage my time and abilities in responsible ways, I don’t need to add the money variable to the mixture. I also realize that I’m yet to really feel the impact of little money. My parents still pay for a lot of stuff and I have very few monetary responsibilities.

The moral of the story- creatively come up with an imaginary job that pays an imaginary salary while daydreaming about all the things you wish were different in your life so that you can avoid dealing with the harsh reality that your last year of school starts in 3 days and you have no idea what the future holds.

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